USCreb

[badmotorfinger]

all ya'll young fellers braggin' bout how good lookin' ya'lls women are... ya'll seem to be missin' the most important point about Mississippi women (or women in general for that matter).

My neighbor has got the purtiest lookin' Jaguar you ever saw in his driveway, but it has been stolen twice and has to visit the shop twice in the last month. My ole Chevy is nuthin' special to look at but it fires up every morning and does what it is supposed to...and, it has never attracted any attention from car thieves. Women are a lot like cars. You are better off judging their quality in terms of their utility. I betcha none of ya'll ever heard about some young pool boy makin' off with somebody's ugly wife.

The most beautiful fruit on the vine eventually starts gettin' all wrinkled up and then what have ya got if the beauty of the fruit was just skin deep? Nuthin! To fully experience the quality of the fruit, ya gotta take it all in, close your eyes and just taste it.

Tell ya'll boys a little secret....(come closer so I can whisper). The best thing to look for in any gal is her ability to perform in the kitchen! Once a feller gets a bit grey 'round the muzzle and long in the tooth, there ain't no greater comfort to be had than sittin' down to a skillet of fresh cornbread and a pot of peas!

My gal makes the best cornbread and peas.... Mmmmm!

Aaawww.....how sweet!!!

[digger]

I found this post on a Rivals site under the subject line "when Girls don't put out". Funny stuff.....

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that *beep* knows I'm smarter than her.

[1OLEMISSREBEL]

now that was funny